Mook to Mastermind
[Star wipe.] The seven of you [#963 is included, but he’s back under NPC control] are sitting in the large, empty waiting room outside the Debriefing Room. The room is dirty and dimly lit in the classic StitchCo fashion, and there’s nothing to do but leaf through the tragically outdated magazines and feel the beating of the cybernetically-enhanced butterflies in your stomach. A deli counter-style number display burns above the massive Debriefing Room door with a hellish red light, and every time the number changes with a soft “bing!” your stomachs begin churning in agony. Several groups have gone in before you, and more often than not, they have emerged as sobbing, unconsolable messes; also, you swear some of the groups emerge fewer in number than when they went in. Your group’s number is almost up; after this next group, it will be your turn to feel the fire
[8/17/2013 5:54:47 AM] Scurvyj: [Sorry, can’t resist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCQrrQ3R8as ]
[8/17/2013 5:55:40 AM] Scurvyj: #003 is here, brooding silently
[8/17/2013 5:56:09 AM] DrRobertson: [The gates are open! http://imgur.com/a4CVG ]
[8/17/2013 5:57:04 AM] Scurvyj: [Nice!]
[8/17/2013 5:57:57 AM] Scurvyj: #087, they actually managed to get you a proper wheelchair, and #098, you actually feel well enough to walk. Both of you have been thoroughly doped-up, so you’re not feeling the tension as much as the others
[8/17/2013 5:59:35 AM] Scurvyj: [I hope to actually catch a lot of you online for this, and I’m guessing some of you aren’t quite home from work yet. Chime in when you get this, and when I get a fair number, I’ll start.]
[8/17/2013 6:06:39 AM] DrRobertson: [What time is it for you over there? I say give it 3 or 4 hours, and we should be good]
[8/17/2013 6:19:44 AM] O’ Foxy: (pretty sure its a full 12 hours, so 6 am)
[8/17/2013 6:27:39 AM] Scurvyj: [It’s almost 6:30 am here. You guys both chimed in, Boozlebub said he’d be back from dinner in an hour or two, so okay, we’re looking at about 3 hours or so to start.]
[8/17/2013 6:30:38 AM] Scurvyj: [Not sure what hours Al and TuxKusanagi keep, but it seems like a safe bet]
[8/17/2013 8:33:42 AM] Boozlebub: [Sorry. Took a while]
[8/17/2013 8:34:12 AM] Scurvyj: [No prob. Still seeing when Al and TuxKusanagi are gonna be on. You mind messaging/calling them?]
[8/17/2013 8:37:27 AM] Boozlebub: [I will try ]
[8/17/2013 8:47:00 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [I should be ready to go in about two hours.]
[8/17/2013 8:55:29 AM] Scurvyj: [Okie dokie, hopefully I’ll be around.]
[8/17/2013 8:57:31 AM] Scurvyj: [Just in case, I’ll start writing the preliminaries into a .doc, so if worst comes to worst, I can text dump]
[8/17/2013 9:18:58 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [If you get ready to start and I’m not in yet, you can just half ignore me and deal with the rest of the group.]
[8/17/2013 9:26:27 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [I’ll be as active as I can from my phone.]
[8/17/2013 9:26:45 AM] TuxKusanagi: [smshes through a wall yelling OOOHHH YEEAAAHHH]
[8/17/2013 9:26:52 AM] Scurvyj: [Okay, sweet. I can start this bad boy pretty soon.]
[8/17/2013 9:26:54 AM] TuxKusanagi: I’m here
[8/17/2013 9:27:28 AM] TuxKusanagi: [BTW, nikki just got a new car
[8/17/2013 9:27:41 AM] TuxKusanagi: [Well. a used car, but barely used.]
[8/17/2013 9:27:47 AM] Scurvyj: [Nice!]
[8/17/2013 9:30:45 AM] TuxKusanagi: #4
[8/17/2013 9:34:34 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [Sweet.]
[8/17/2013 9:35:20 AM] Boozlebub: [definitely! The Cobalt was actually under warranty. Thankfully.]
[8/17/2013 9:37:50 AM] DrRobertson: [That’s great! I’m heading out to grab food so I can cook, it’s real low detail. I should be good in about 30-45 minutes. I’ll be cooking, but able to jump back and forth.]
[8/17/2013 9:39:31 AM] Boozlebub: [Oh, and I know I didn’t send this to everyone, but I drew something last night.]
[8/17/2013 9:45:41 AM] TuxKusanagi: #042 isn’t entirely sure why he’s here, but he’s clearly both very excited and ever more dreading the interaction. He had no idea what to expect. He barely ever went out on missions, so a debreifing had never been necessary. He was just a paper pusher afterall, and considering the ease of success of his first ever command mission, he couldn’t figure out what all these other mooks were whining about all the time. And the fact that they all seemed to get injured and killed so often just served to increase his opinion that they were all just a bunch of useless little ninny’s who clearly couldn’t handle themselves when the Stitch hit the fan. Oh, sure, sometimes the work could be dangerous, he was sure. Afterall, the sheer number of bullet requesitions he’d handled (Each sheet filled out in triplicate for an order of one bullet, of course. How else cold the quartermaster possibly keep track?) seemed to indicate that it occasionally MUST be. Perhaps sometimes more than others…and there were ALL those wounded last night that didn’t even seem to be associated to the mission he’d been given…perhaps he was wrong…Nah. EXCITED!
[8/17/2013 9:50:40 AM] * Boozlebub sent Hopsy.jpg *
[8/17/2013 9:56:26 AM] TuxKusanagi: [dear god. thats awesome]
[8/17/2013 9:57:43 AM] Boozlebub: [Yeah. Gretchen gave me the idea that #865 is a horrifying twisted Calvin and Hobbes]
[8/17/2013 10:02:19 AM] Scurvyj: [You want that as your new character pic?]
[8/17/2013 10:02:53 AM] Boozlebub: [I did make it my personal avatar.]
[8/17/2013 10:02:53 AM] Scurvyj: [I’ll leave it up to you, both are pretty awesome. Alright, gents. Time to get this show on the road.]
[8/17/2013 10:03:17 AM] Scurvyj: You finally hear the telltale bing, the sounds of which seem to reverberate throughout your skeletons, stabbing all of you to the core. You all turn in unison to look at the number on the display, then the number on your little piece of paper, almost hoping that they don’t match. The massive, Gothic door swings open the slightest of cracks, inviting you all to come in. Strangely, you don’t see anybody walk out.
[8/17/2013 10:05:38 AM] Boozlebub: #865 pauses some to hold Hopsy a little tighter, petting Hopsy’s head and closes his eyes.
[8/17/2013 10:10:10 AM] Boozlebub: #865 then places Hopsy into the front of his overalls, again like a Baby Bjorn.
[8/17/2013 10:10:21 AM] TuxKusanagi: #042 is on his feet immediately, saluting as hard as he ever had as the door slowly swings open. It looks like he may have pulled a muscle. He was about to yell out in his best military voice “HUH-ten-SHUN” when he realized that A.) no one was coming out the door, and B.) #003 was with them, and that might be misconstrued as giving a superior an order. Instead he just sounds for a moment like someone punched him in the gut, which was just as well, because that’s what the pulled muscle felt like.
[8/17/2013 10:10:22 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: #98’s eyes burn as he tries to focus them on the rest of his group. He casually ponders how much trouble it’d be to get a new pair from a “donor.” The fuzzy hum inside his head reminds him that he should pick up some new ears while he’s out.
[8/17/2013 10:11:54 AM] Scurvyj: With a collective deep breath and perhaps some hand-holding, the seven of you enter. The room itself is pretty cozy, having the walls and lighting of a police interrogation room, the decor of a kindergarten classroom, and the architecture of a medieval torture chamber. The air has a strangely chemical burning smell, but it seems to fade and be replaced with the scent of herbal air freshener within the first few minutes. Dr. Stitch, tall, emaciated, and ghastly, sits behind a massive wooden desk in a high-backed chair, the hard sections of which are a sickly white color, the padded sections made to look like they’ve been patched together out of old quilts (though you can’t quite place what material they’re made from). He addresses you with his usual cheery smile, the gaps in his stitches making all of you shudder as usual.
[8/17/2013 10:15:34 AM] Boozlebub: Upon seeing Dr. Stitch, those looking would notice that #865 stands straighter, more rigid, and his eyes never leave Dr. Stitch, and not out of fear.
[8/17/2013 10:23:02 AM | Edited 10:24:18 AM] Scurvyj: You see the briefest of glimmers of recognition in Dr. Stitch’s eyes as he sees #865, but it goes away when he addresses the group. “Well, gentlemen, I’ve had quite a few groups come through here today, but I must say, yours is one of the most… interesting. Now, we have some things to discuss, but first, let’s take a look at the highlight reel!” He presses a button behind his desk, and the various grotesque finger paint drawings and the “Hang In There!” motivational poster of a fluffy little kitten hanging on for dear life over a tank of piranhas slide away, and a large viewing screen slides down mechanically from the wall behind them. Cheerful music starts up as the video, which contains footage from on-board cameras, helmet cameras, and other various surveillance (some of which you never even knew StitchCo had access to) begins to play.
[8/17/2013 10:23:24 AM] Scurvyj: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHej-cvjso4&list=PL3B2481B00295DEE2
[8/17/2013 10:25:08 AM] Boozlebub: [Nice. I would have also taken Yakkety Sax.]
[8/17/2013 10:27:10 AM] Scurvyj: [Later]
[8/17/2013 10:28:44 AM] Scurvyj: The video fades in to a group of people getting drunk in a big van, then pans around to the faces of the various members of the your group. #087, you recognize yourself, as do you, #347, and the two of you feel a pang of sadness as you realise most of these guys are dead now. The camera lingers on #865 drinking Cousin Jeb’s Rootin’ Tootin’ Baby-Making Whiskey from a medicine cup. “Consuming alcoholic beverages in a company vehicle, using a company-issued medicine cup, no less. Wow, that looks like fun, #865!” Dr. Stitch exclaims joyfully.
[8/17/2013 10:29:50 AM] Scurvyj: (He has to squint to read your number tag; this is something he’ll repeat with everyone throughout this debriefing)
[8/17/2013 10:30:32 AM] Boozlebub: “Yes Doctor.” #865 says in a very flat tone, not his normal squeaky self.
[8/17/2013 10:30:52 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH2w6Oxx0kQ ]
[8/17/2013 10:32:00 AM] Boozlebub: [Al, you got a good chortle out of me. Well played good sir.]
[8/17/2013 10:32:16 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [I aim to please.]
[8/17/2013 10:32:41 AM] Scurvyj: [Only for a moment, and the moment’s gone.]
[8/17/2013 10:33:16 AM] Scurvyj: Fade out. Fade in to the factory floor, where #003 is giving you the big bear speech. Somone edited in a thought bubble above his head with an anime-style angry face. The camera cuts to Ben Benderson, who has a thought bubble edited near his head saying “Oh! What a lovely day!” The camera suddenly cuts to #347’s trap going off and nearly crushing him to death, and the thought bubble changes to “Oh, no! My new underpants!” Dr. Stitch smiles at #347 and says, “Mr. Benderson sure got the StitchCo welcome from you! Didn’t he?”
[8/17/2013 10:35:05 AM] Boozlebub: [Oh shit, the Pop-Up Video/America’s Funniest Home Videos treatment is also FANTASTIC.]
[8/17/2013 10:37:59 AM] DrRobertson: “Only the best for our most prestigious of hosts…” #347 says.
[8/17/2013 10:39:40 AM] Scurvyj: The battle at the factory comes next, and someone went to town dubbing in bad kung-fu style fighting noises. Finally, Serpent Gaze gets shot by #865, during which the camera zooms in for a dramatic close-up, and knocked into the vat of throat lozenge syrup by #098, which brings a horrifying smile from Dr. Stitch directed at the two of you. As she sinks into the bubbling liquid death, someone apparently spliced in a clip of Eddie Furlong in tears at the end of Terminator 2. Dr. Stitch looks at that video disdainfully, tut-tuts and shakes his head, and makes a note in his little black book; apparently someone in the editing crew is going down for this. “Contaminating company products is a lot of fun too, isn’t it #098? We would have had to to a recall on that whole batch, if our claims assessors hadn’t told us it was more cost-effective to just ship ’em out anyway!” he exclaims.
[8/17/2013 10:42:18 AM] TuxKusanagi: [Stitch Co brand Throat Lozenges. Now with real meat bits!]
[8/17/2013 10:43:35 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: #98 looks at the blurry doctor and smirks. "Kids love bacon in everything. Could rebrand that batch as ‘special edition.’
[8/17/2013 10:44:46 AM] Scurvyj: “Oh, but we did!” he exclaims, holding up a package of StitchCo Throat Lozenges, with a little comic book-style spark bubble in the corner which reads “NOW PROTEIN-ENRICHED!”
[8/17/2013 10:45:19 AM] Boozlebub: FOODLike. It’s Like Food.
[8/17/2013 10:45:26 AM] Scurvyj: “In fact, if those test well, we might start manufacturing them as part of our regular product line.”
[8/17/2013 10:45:28 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: #98 cackles loudly. “Don’t forget calcium.”
[8/17/2013 10:45:49 AM] Scurvyj: He considers #098’s comment, and scribbles something down on a post-it note
[8/17/2013 10:46:26 AM] Scurvyj: The video then cuts to a Bruckheimer-style explosion in the office wing upstairs. Seeing the bomb actually go off is a lot more heart-wrenching than you could have imagined. One second, it’s just another day at StitchCo, with mooks and office workers (who have a strange, glassed-over look in their eyes) fighting side-by-side like busy little bees, taking on the gruesome twosome of Dr. Sisyphus and Radical Ted (who are, admittedly, pretty awesome to see in action). The next moment, the whole office wing is a twisted wreckage of human misery, with bodies, building pieces, and meaty chunks flying everywhere. “The upstairs guard certainly didn’t seem to have the same can-do spirit as you folks down in the factory wing. But hey, your commanding officer must have had his reasons for lightening the security up there, am I right, #003?” #003 somehow looks sheepish for the first time you’ve ever seen.
[8/17/2013 10:47:31 AM] Boozlebub: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VastXQ_hPb0 ]
[8/17/2013 10:48:25 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [Brilliant, sir!]
[8/17/2013 10:49:50 AM] Boozlebub: [You beat me to the punch, good sir, but thank you much!]
[8/17/2013 10:49:57 AM] Scurvyj: [Oh, by the way, #098, it’s kinda hard to understand you without a tongue.]
[8/17/2013 10:50:21 AM] Scurvyj: [And yet, the good Doctor seems to manage somehow.]
[8/17/2013 10:50:42 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [Well, let’s just add that to the “shopping” list.]
[8/17/2013 10:50:55 AM] Scurvyj: The camera cuts once again to the group of you “borrowing” the prototype Stitchcycles (with a nice zoomed-in shot of you all speeding off and ruining the stack of printed records). The music then fades out and changes as you all race through the hallways, the video obviously speeded up for this part.
[8/17/2013 10:51:14 AM] Scurvyj: [ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnHmskwqCCQ , there it is, Boozlebub.]
[8/17/2013 10:51:33 AM] Boozlebub: [YAAAAAAAY!]
[8/17/2013 10:51:38 AM] Scurvyj: “Wow, look at you all go!” exclaims Dr. Stitch. “That looks like great fun, #003! And hey, you even managed to return three of those five cycles to us! How very, very polite of you!”
[8/17/2013 10:53:34 AM] TuxKusanagi: [Oh my god, this is terrifying.]
[8/17/2013 10:54:03 AM] Boozlebub: Doctor, they performed beyond expectations. The design is far improved from the previous models.
[8/17/2013 10:55:30 AM] Scurvyj: “I’ll leave that to the Research and Development team to decide,” he says with a smile. “You know, the people whose JOB it is to test and refine the prototypes.” He says the word job in a way that can only be described as “hungrily.”
[8/17/2013 10:56:12 AM] Boozlebub: #865 hangs his head. "I am sorry for speaking out of turn, Doctor. Please continue.
[8/17/2013 10:56:20 AM] Scurvyj: The scene then changes, once again in fast motion, to the fight in the ruined office wing. Dr. Stitch nods his head at some of the better shots you guys took at the enemies, obviously approving of the violence. The camera seems especially loving of the #347 shotgun blast on Dr. Sisyphus, this once again rendered in slow motion, and repeated from six different angles. As the action moves outside and to the streets, the camera once again zooms in on #098 as he slingshots himself into the Bug, with #087 leaping onto the roof of the car soon after. The video goes into slow motion, and somebody dubbed in the Bionic Woman jumping sound effect:
[8/17/2013 10:56:27 AM] Scurvyj: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPJ2ZjYlY38
[8/17/2013 10:57:20 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [I like taking chances. Even when I get punished for being dumb. Haha.]
[8/17/2013 10:57:24 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ru1M6dY0cY
[8/17/2013 10:58:37 AM] Scurvyj: [I stand by my original comment: stuff like that adds to the game. Also, I like the abundance of sad goodbye music in here, very touching.]
[8/17/2013 10:59:00 AM] Scurvyj: “Oh, I have to admire your can-do spirit, you two. Most of my little worker bees certainly wouldn’t have gone that far!” Without skipping a beat, it moves to #098’s tazing and disfigurement (once again, very disturbing to actually see), and the rest of the chase, followed by the cut-off by #963, the crash, and #087’s fall into the ravine. “Of course, sometimes it’s possible to have a little too MUCH can-do spirit, especially if it results in unnecessary medical bills!”
[8/17/2013 11:00:23 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [To be fair, #963 covered a ton of labor costs personally.]
[8/17/2013 11:02:29 AM] Scurvyj: Finally, the camera goes to #042 and company emerging from the trio of StitchCo vans. At this point, the music turns all sappy, with a shot of the sunset, some people high-fiving (you don’t remember anyone actually doing that), and a shot of everyone riding off into the sunset. “Wow #042, you certainly have a high rank at my company, don’t you? And yet,” he says, drumming his fingers on the desk, “nothing you’ve done in the past seems to stand out to me in any way. At first, I thought you might be a spy!”
[8/17/2013 11:03:41 AM] TuxKusanagi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnQ8N1KacJc
[8/17/2013 11:04:24 AM] Scurvyj: [It’s something very stitchable, but in the end it’s right, I hope you have the stitch of your life.]
[8/17/2013 11:09:53 AM] Boozlebub: [ And a little change of pace… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5yUi6clTCI ]
[8/17/2013 11:09:55 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: #98 blacks out for a moment from the cheap morphine and comes back far later into the conversation he was having in his head. “Can I have a sword? Like… A REALLY big one?”
[8/17/2013 11:10:07 AM] Scurvyj: [Okay, Dr. Pepper.]
[8/17/2013 11:10:57 AM] TuxKusanagi: #042 stands and salutes immediately looking like he probably pulled that same muscle once again and grimaces slightly. “Sir! Yes, sir! I work h-” he sputters and starts coughing and hacking as the accusation of being a spy hits him square in the ego. After a few moments of choking and trying to get his breath back he takes a huge gulp of air, his eyes streaming with tears, mostly from the coughing, and very slightly at the thought of him being a SPY. “Sir, i mean, no! Sir! A spy? I could never…I just…i’m…i’m very good at paperwork sir… and well i kept on getting promotions because none of my commanding officers ever wanted to do the paperwork…so…so i just kept taking over their work and getting moved higher because THEIR commanding officers didn’t want to do theirs either…” He gulps and sits back down with a worried look on his face. “Sir, please don’t put me in the timeout pit…”
[8/17/2013 11:11:11 AM] TuxKusanagi: [Nice, Boozlebub]
[8/17/2013 11:11:12 AM] Scurvyj: [You wouldn’t give a crippled crab a crutch.]
[8/17/2013 11:11:48 AM] Scurvyj: At this, his face suddenly goes dark and horrific as he gazes directly into #042’s eyes. Every childhood fear, every bad dream you’ve ever had bursts to the surface in one big, fiery pus-filled boil of fear so powerful it physically scalds you. Everyone else present gets the same effect, though lessened to a degree.
[8/17/2013 11:12:09 AM] TuxKusanagi: [I hope he gets the sugar shits all over yo’ rug]
[8/17/2013 11:12:51 AM] Boozlebub: #0-4-2-, it’s not as bad as it sounds, right Doctor?
[8/17/2013 11:13:12 AM] Scurvyj: Just as instantly as his face changed, it changes back. “But your background checks out! I guess I need to learn to trust my StitchCo family a little more, huh?” he says goofily. “Maybe I’ve just been a Negligent Nellie, and need to pay a little more attention, huh? Perhaps that’s just what all of you need, maybe. A bit more personal attention?”
[8/17/2013 11:13:43 AM] Boozlebub: [Think “PHILLIP—J—FRYE”]
[8/17/2013 11:15:03 AM] Boozlebub: [ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb1lcIugxOk ]
[8/17/2013 11:15:23 AM] Scurvyj: [Doin’ the… junior jumble scramble…]
[8/17/2013 11:16:08 AM] Scurvyj: At this point, the video wraps up, the low-quality homebrewed credits roll, and the whole room falls into uncomfortable silence. After Dr. Stitch gives everything a moment to sink in, he starts up again. “Well, I hope you all learned something from my little video. We certainly made our share of mistakes, didn’t we?” At this, he makes eye contact with each of you in turn, and you feel a glimmer of that terrible fear sensation from earlier. “But, you also did a lot of good things for our StitchCo family. Three new special friends to play with!” He presses a button, and the monitor shows a split-screen of three cells, each with one of your prisoners undergoing some exotic and brutal torture. “They’re a little shy right now, but we’ll get them laughing and talking soon enough!” He presses the button, and the monitor goes black.
[8/17/2013 11:17:28 AM] Scurvyj: [See, if it was one of the Stitchcycles talking, it would totally be doing that, Boozlebub.]
[8/17/2013 11:23:00 AM] Scurvyj: “And, after all, you DID manage to stop this important company data,” he says, shaking a small thumb drive, “from falling into the wrong hands. Does the end justify the means?” He pauses, considering. “You’ve all left me with a lot of things to think about. But for NOW,” he says, the little black book clutched in his hand ominously…
[8/17/2013 11:24:38 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: #98 doesn’t feel much of anything emotionally. There is a slight stinging sensation in his face and the warm fuzzy feeling from the drugs though. “I need more morphine… And a sword…”
[8/17/2013 11:24:49 AM] Scurvyj: [Swordphine?]
[8/17/2013 11:25:12 AM] Scurvyj: [Yeah, the morphine is definitely wearing out for you and #087 now…]
[8/17/2013 11:25:24 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [Theres an idea! A poison blade loaded with morphine.]
[8/17/2013 11:25:32 AM] Scurvyj: [Stab your way to relief?]
[8/17/2013 11:26:20 AM] Scurvyj: “You should all go get some breakfast. Today it’s WaffleLike and Strawberry Paste. Mmm… mmm… MMM! You’ll be hearing from me a little later, after I finish all my other little morning pow-wows.” He puts the book down and motions toward the door, dismissing all of you. Everyone starts filing out cautiously, disbelieving that you’re still alive.
[8/17/2013 11:26:29 AM] Boozlebub: [Makes the character’s wound points unknown? so even if in imperment…]
[8/17/2013 11:27:15 AM] Boozlebub: WAFFLE LIKE! AND STRAWBERRY PASTE?! I HOPE I GET A WEDDING BAND THIs TIME!
[8/17/2013 11:27:17 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [I was thinking it’d make you not care how injured you were so you just kept charging into bad situations.]
[8/17/2013 11:27:40 AM] Boozlebub: #865 scampers off after giving a crisp if brief salute.
[8/17/2013 11:28:22 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: Cackles again at #865 and shambles out of the room with a noticable pep in his step.
[8/17/2013 11:30:44 AM] TuxKusanagi: #042 snaps off his very best salute, complete with a clicking of his heels (into which he had attatched very small metal plates to make the click that much more impressive) and bawls “I LOVE THIS COMPANY SIR!” and runs from the room very possibly frothing at the mouth in some combination of fear and appreciation, but most likely from that same muscle being pulled for a third time. it seemed to have spread into his groin by this point, judging from the limp.
[8/17/2013 11:31:43 AM] DrRobertson: “I’m glad you enjoyed the fun I had with Dr. Syphilis. I’d love to spend some quality time just ‘chatting’ with him if possible” #347 says, with a flame of a thousand suns of rage burning in his eyes, which he quickly reverts back to normal, cracks a smile, and leaves the room.
[8/17/2013 11:31:44 AM] Scurvyj: [I! LOVE! THIS! COMPANY YEEEEEAAAH!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO]
[8/17/2013 11:32:25 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [StitchCo! Fuck yeah!]
[8/17/2013 11:32:32 AM] Scurvyj: #963 files out of the room calmly and respectfully, stammering out a “thank-you, sir” as he grabs the handles of #087’s wheelchair and wheels him out of the room
[8/17/2013 11:33:12 AM] Scurvyj: “Not you, #003.” Dr. Stitch barks out suddenly. “You and I need to… discuss a few more things.” The smile on his face, and the subsequent look of terror in #003’s eyes (mind you, this guy’s seen shit that the rest of you haven’t even had nightmares about), chill your blood. The door slams shut, leaving the six of you in the waiting room to process what the hell just happened
[8/17/2013 11:34:53 AM] Scurvyj: [Alright folks, here’s the deal. I want to start delegating a little bit of the bookkeeping to you guys, and I’d like to start with Obsidian Profile character sheets. Right now, I’m gonna take a shower, and I think Irene wants to go shopping for a bit. I also need to update the Adventure Log and Wiki, and I need to make sure I account for all the dead mooks in the Shrine.]
[8/17/2013 11:36:43 AM] Scurvyj: [While I’m doing all that, I’d like you guys to fill in the Biography sections of your character sheets. It doesn’t need to be much, maybe a sentence or two. There WILL be a character advancement award for people that have them filled in—Boozlebub, you already qualify, and Al, so do you. If you’re having trouble, you can just PM them to me, but I’d really rather you did it on OP yourselves, because pretty soon I’m putting you guys in charge of your own character sheets.]
[8/17/2013 11:38:28 AM] Scurvyj: [TuxKusanagi, you can put a picture up also. If nothing else, you can use this one of Rimmer: http://img94.imageshack.us/img94/8427/mainimagek.jpg . If anyone wants to update character art, it’s all up to you. Original is better, of course, but ripping stuff off is fine too as long as it fits.]
[8/17/2013 11:38:48 AM] Scurvyj: [I’ve got one more big scene to run before the big training montage.]
[8/17/2013 11:40:02 AM] TuxKusanagi: [I think i’m definately gonna go with that one for now]
[8/17/2013 11:54:51 AM] Scurvyj: [Also, awesome RP over the last few days, guys. Seriously, this game helps keep me going on the bad days. I wish we could run this in-person, but without teleportation technology, it’s not likely to happen, unless we scheduled a road trip to Canada when I’m back Stateside.]
[8/17/2013 11:56:33 AM] Scurvyj: [Or you Canadian folks came down to the Midwest. We have deep dish pizza!]
[8/17/2013 11:56:49 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [Deep dish pizza is awful.]
[8/17/2013 11:56:56 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [Tomato sauce caserole.]
[8/17/2013 11:57:04 AM] Scurvyj: [Your mom is awful!]
[8/17/2013 11:57:12 AM] Scurvyj: [Seriously, though. I have nothing against your mom.]
[8/17/2013 11:57:20 AM] DrRobertson: [Remember, Toronto is now bigger than Chicago! I should see what little Toronto is like…]
[8/17/2013 11:59:57 AM] Scurvyj: [Okay guys, I’m out for a few hours. Also, start seriously thinking about what kind of skills you might like to give your guys. I think we’ve gotten enough mileage out of them to where you guys can figure out what goes best with their personalities and your play style. Do you all have access to the Feng Shui Core Rulebook?]
[8/17/2013 12:00:27 PM] DrRobertson: [Toss it up just in case.]
[8/17/2013 12:00:43 PM] * Scurvyj sent Feng Shui – Core Rules.pdf Feng Shui – Core Rules.pdf Feng Shui – Core Rules.pdf *
[8/17/2013 12:01:12 PM] Scurvyj: [I actually have one of my print copies here in Taiwan, so much faster than .pdf!]
[8/17/2013 12:01:37 PM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: [Any access to expansios?]
[8/17/2013 12:02:21 PM] Scurvyj: [I’d like to stick to Core Rules and Golden Comeback for now. I might pull some stuff out of Seed of the New Flesh, and I’m toying with some of the stuff from Friends of the Dragon, but later on when you guys are more established.]
[8/17/2013 12:02:41 PM] TuxKusanagi: [well we’ve only got one canadian, and a floridian. so midwest would make more sense. Nikki and I will be…tennisians?
[8/17/2013 12:02:43 PM] Scurvyj: [Remember that right now you’re all still very mundane, comparatively speaking, anyway.]
[8/17/2013 12:03:06 PM] TuxKusanagi: [tenneseeans i guess]
[8/17/2013 12:03:18 PM] Scurvyj: [Didn’t Fox go up to Canada also? Or was that just a temporary thing?]
[8/17/2013 12:03:53 PM] Scurvyj: [Oh yeah, that’s right. For you two, Tennesseein’ will, in fact, be Tennbelievin’. Shit, that’ll make it even harder. Good thing we have the internet, I guess.]
[8/17/2013 12:04:01 PM] Scurvyj: [Aaaand I’m out. Laters!]
[8/17/2013 12:04:38 PM] DrRobertson: [Temporary, though I do hope he relocates, what with everything going on.]
[8/17/2013 12:05:25 PM] TuxKusanagi: [My seuggestion is tennessee. Cost of living is awesome and apparently there are jobs to be had]
[8/17/2013 1:41:18 PM] Scurvyj: The remainder of the day is uneventful, it being one of those rare days designated for R&R (management must have caught on to the fact that everyone needed a morale boost). You all spend the day in various idle pursuits, perhaps reading, practicing, watching movies, or using the sad little area that passes for a rec room
[8/17/2013 1:45:21 PM] Scurvyj: In the evening, after everyone has eaten their Kasserole (I intentionally spelled it with a K) and FunBurgers, everyone is slowly starting to drift back into their dormitories. The dorms are horrendous, with a dozen or so of you crammed into a room the size of a small walk-in closet, community bathrooms (of course), one tiny computer desk (actually an end table with a wobbly folding chair) with closely-monitored internet access, and a microscopic TV that only gets local stations.
[8/17/2013 1:47:33 PM] Scurvyj: For convenience, we’ll say that the six of you are on the same dorm floor. At around the same time, each of your hears a knock on your respective door.
[8/17/2013 1:48:36 PM] Scurvyj: Of course, you and all your roommates fall silent; door knocking is seldom a good thing around here
[8/17/2013 2:08:40 PM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: Sits up in bed and brandishes a scapel he stole from Caring Corps. “Mmm… Spare parts.”
[8/17/2013 2:46:49 PM] Scurvyj: You guys each look out the peepholes of your respective dorms. Standing on the other side of the door is not a squad of Pit Pals! (colloquially known as “Black Shirts”, and by the way, ‘Pit Pals!’ must always include the exclamation mark), but someone from the mail room holding a thick mailing envelope
[8/17/2013 5:05:14 PM] Scurvyj: At this point, there is a six-way split-screen, as each individual mailroom guy blurts out a number through the still-closed door. “Special delivery for #042 / #087 / #098 / #347 / #865 / #963!”
[8/17/2013 11:49:44 PM] DrRobertson: #347 gets out of his bunk, the whole room is really just bunks, and opens the door. “Do I have to sign for it?” he says, with the voice of someone that has freshly awoken.
[8/18/2013 1:59:20 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: #98 holds the scalpel behind his back as he gets up, open the door and snatches the package away quickly. He slams the door in the courier’s face before he gets a good chance to examine any of his harvestable parts.
[8/18/2013 5:55:36 AM] TuxKusanagi: #042 opens the door and takes the package, signing carefully and then berating the delivery mook until he scribbled out a hasty receipt, and signed it.
[8/18/2013 6:43:28 AM] Scurvyj: You all notice that envelopes are from #001, the head of the Department of Human Resources.
[8/18/2013 7:13:53 AM] Boozlebub: #865 wipes the sleepies out of his eyes and wanders over to take the parcel and returns to his bunk. It’s hard to say for sure, but he seems to be sleepwalking given his heavier than usual footfalls and how he is carrying Hopsy. Not at all the gentle, loving, or playful.
[8/18/2013 8:43:53 AM] Scurvyj: [So, uh, do you guys open it? It’s not a bomb or chemical weapon, you think.]
[8/18/2013 8:44:57 AM] Boozlebub: #865 opens it up ungracefully. Still not convinced he is awake.
[8/18/2013 8:50:14 AM] Thelonious Alsquatch III: #98 uses his scalpel as a letter opener and dumps the contents out onto his bed.
[8/18/2013 9:09:30 AM] Scurvyj: #865 and #098, you see a thick packet of information and other stuff that you’re probably going to have to ask #347 to read to you later. However, the one piece of paper you ARE able to read is the one in the front, which looks like a mock award certificate that someone printed up in Nanosoft Word:
[8/18/2013 9:13:32 AM] Scurvyj: “CONGRATULATIONS! You, #865 / #098 have been accepted into the Henchman Training Program. Please report to the main lobby at 0800 tomorrow for dorm reassignment. Attached is an information packet that details all the exciting benefits and opportunities available to Henchman Class employees. We hope you are as excited about this opportunity as we are! Sincerely, #001, Head of Human Resources Department”
[8/18/2013 9:14:09 AM] Scurvyj: (Anyone else who decides to open their packet, and I certainly hope you do, is treated to a similar experience, with your name in place of #098 / #865’s)
[8/18/2013 9:17:34 AM] Scurvyj: You don’t actually get all the nuances, but you do understand the words “CONGRATULATIONS!” and “Henchman”, and you’re able to draw whatever conclusion you want from those
[8/18/2013 9:21:32 AM] TuxKusanagi: #042 opens his letter carefully and takes out the contents. He reads through every thing several times. He carefully packs all the papers back into the envelope then sits down on his bunk. He nods, sniffs in an absent way, and faints dead away.
[8/18/2013 9:33:22 AM] Scurvyj: #042, before you faint dead away, you take in all the highlights. Advanced Combat Training (ACT) camp! Company-subsidized vocational training! Access to the Henchman-only equipment locker and training facilities! And best of all, Henchman-class employees get a dorm with only one roommate, and each dorm has its own bathroom!
[8/18/2013 9:43:13 AM] TuxKusanagi: [Be still, my beating heart. ]
[8/18/2013 9:44:50 AM] Scurvyj: [Oh, #963 has a portrait now: http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/mook-to-mastermind/characters/num963 ]
[8/18/2013 9:46:30 AM] Boozlebub: [He IS quite Wedge Antillesish.]
[8/18/2013 9:48:24 AM] TuxKusanagi: [If none of you have ever listened to a star wars book on tape, then let me explain t that each book begins with the star wars theme song. As I clicked that link, having just started a new book, that song had just started to play.
[8/18/2013 10:04:14 AM] Scurvyj: [If nobody has anything else to do, I can fast forward through the next couple of months.]